Reunions: Detox for the soul

There are days that you have fun and there are days that are special. One of the ways to increase the number of special days is attending reunions with people you grew up back in school or college.

But then you will wonder if you should really go.To that particular reunion. 

Because, all of a sudden —you will come across a group of people wanting to just come together for the heck of it. Just be together for a few days and no element of practical or logical mind of yours will be able to explain the forces behind such an event.

And then in the likely event that it happens, you will be asked to connect with people you haven’t connected with for a long time. Or you would have not known for a long time.

And you will keep wondering if you should go. There would be a big WHY question. WHY go to a reunion? Why, why, why? The negatives might seem to outweigh the positives, at least at first. You will wonder if one-upmanship will rear its ugly head. Or if you will be forced into a box you have worked so hard to break free from over the last few years. Or if you will remember anyone or worse...whether anyone will remember you.

But maybe … you should go. At least show up for a while. Maybe, because the benefit will show up. Surprising benefit. Benefit that will be hard to articulate up front, because you won’t know it exists until you are there.

You won’t know what impact you might have. You won’t know what impact it might have on you.

Unless you go.

Yes ;  I have attended a few reunions.....school mates and college ones. And I write this on this final day of a college hostel mates reunion...Hostel no.3, Punjab University,Chandigarh. This is place I lived for four long and memorable years and graduated to become engineers for a lifetime. As it turns out and understandably so, it worked out different for all of us and the guys now are in different places, doing different things, some quite successful, some not so and some still working on it. Some had trying times and some still passing through some.

I admit, on the first reunion some years back, when I walked through the hotel door where the group was holding out, my heart was pounding with anticipation.

It had been a while.

But there in the room stood a few guys with the same old...same old persona. Some guys who looked nearly the same and others very different from how they were. Some bit outspoken and others who just wanted to be present and enjoy the moment. Some trying to size up with others and some others who did not care. The talk came next and it revolved more or less about tough days and how we all managed to rough it out. How life treated you, how people treated you and what made you the person you are now. No hold barred, just speak your mind stuff....just like old times. 

I noticed that people start sharing more when the discussion warms up. The talk goes deep about many things. Success in jobs. Failure in jobs. Triumph in relationships. Sorrow in relationships. Good times and difficult times. Instances recalled and revised to memory. Exchanging the likes and dislikes of our children, who are growing up fast with every reunion. There were stories recalled of struggles of everyone and some who did not have any.

The wisdom of years, and the grace of being given what wasn’t deserved.

Some of us shared some events. Certain things about other were known without being shared. But everyone cared and were sensitive enough not to discuss that. Some issues were just laughed away like the Dahi- bhalla of Gopals and the Ras –malai of Bikanerwala.(although lot of effort went behind it).

We talked of guys on which some of us survived in college for their notes. Then there were those  who we all thought about and gave a ring at the  dead of the night(in their time zones). There was someone who had lost their loved ones and others who had come all the way to meet up with ailing relatives. Our thoughts were with them and they knew that that was true.

We remember  classmates no longer alive and others not traceable even in this day and age. We recalled a guy who had left us all for the heavenly abode  and  we remembered him in tribute and kept a two minute silence ( Vijay Thakur : RIP, you will always be missed in all such reunions). There was also stories about guys who had troubled relationships and were still trying to get over it. The world can be a brutal place to be in.

And just by saying that all will be well and sending blessings their way was enough.There were guys who had battled cancer. And who  told their story of the battle and victory. One another was fighting it out and  Winning. Winning. Winning.

There also are stories of old flames and certain clarifications came from unexpected quarters  as we all opened up and then everything fell in place.

Just keep talking and sharing. This time around, we talked all evening and late into the wee hours. We talked some more the next day at dinner at our favourite haunt – ‘Ghazal’, where more classmates came. We talked after dinner and had a round of Sector 17, Chandigarh trying to recall various places of what all had not changed and what all had. The late night movies and tickets of the Amitabh Bacchan starrer –‘Hum’ and ‘Sirroco’ bought in black were also a hot topic.

The more reunions I attend, I see more openness and less shallowness from everyone. It turns out that it is all about valuing the people from your past and sincerely valuing  the moment, gathered with these people we had  known for so long.

On the morning of the final day, we sat together getting things to eat from the elaborate buffet. It was a feeling of being back in time, being able to just be yourself as we spent time talking and laughing (and swearing with Punjabi expletives) with all the stories and tears. .  

Taking time out to spend a few days  in a place where we spent the formative periods of our lives can cleanse you of the negative energies and make you  more emotionally resilient in a way.

This is highly recommended by me too. While we see good turnout of people who just want to travel back in time, its a time to keep these bonds strong forever. Forever.

What had made this experience the way it was. The depth of the combined experience over the years had proved more powerful than could ever be fully described. Rather, the power in the reunion had emerged from our togetherness. We were just happy to still be here. Happy to be alive. Happy to be at peace with each other. Happy that today a new banner flew over us—and I’ll use this word even if it sounds a bit cheesy—

A banner of love.

This I would say with a prayer to the lord almighty :

I pray for healing of all the souls. Because it was clear the years had hurt everyone. I also pray for gratitude over us. Thankful to the Creator for the people from our pasts, the people who proved so valuable yesterday and today. So very valuable.

That’s how I would like to close our college hostel reunion. The class of 1994. With this unforeseen and powerful benefit.

And you?

Soon you will be invited to a reunion.

You will wonder if you should go … 

Go. 

P.S. : Written with inputs from a blog byMarcus Brotherton.

Kikar Lodge and The last time I did something for the first time

This is not a write up about an amorous one night stand as I would like it to be. But in terms making a mark in my grey cells and associated adrenaline rush, I would rank it much higher than many similar events in my lifetime. Doing something for the first time feels like being born again; being able to cut loose and take a flight like the butterfly out of its cocoon. This is such an event.  

It all starts when we connect with old friends from college. These are people you feel of your own kind, whom you've been with in the prime of your youth. The bonding is maybe because of many crazy things you did together. Some things you like to remember and some you advise your kith and kin to be as far away as possible.

There are many forces at work which creates a need to meet these people. Makes you get that high once again. A feeling that you experienced at that time and your craving need at this time now to relive that once again. So when the call of a reunion beckon, the engineers who graduated from Panjab University in 1994 scurry online to arrive at a common agreed date.  

Kikar Lodge was my idea out of a few locations that were circulated and it was proposed considering it was a good getaway 25 kms from Ropar in rural Punjab. Once the dates were finalized, there were plans made for 12 odd guys. The unavoidable turn of events made me lose two eventful days of the reunion and eventually I was left with one day with a drive from  Chandigarh to the lodge all alone. This is where the action starts.

The idea of having reunion at this kind of location was with the presumption to get as far away from the regular life that one experiences. Although getting away from the telecom network connection was getting a bit too carried away on this but that was the way it was meant to be. With only BSNL network at the location (which doesn’t allow roaming by other network providers), it was hard to get in touch with the people who were already in the lodge.

As we are aware that driving alone, time expands and the journey becomes longer. And as luck would have it, there was no clear instructions on what road one had to take after Ropar. So although I followed the trustworthy Google Maps, it showed me two roads leading to the destination. I initially took the highway route as I usually take that good road on the way to Manali. I soon realized that it was not the correct route as it would take much more time than anticipated. Moreover, it was supposed to be a village route after a while. So I turned around and took the other route. The regular crowded streets of Ropar were left far behind when I took a turn from the highway towards a village called Nurpur Bedi. Glancing at the watch, I realized it took a long time to come to the correct route and now it was already 9 PM. Although not a full moon, it was a moonlit night. The road was a single lane well constructed village road and there were only a few vehicles that came my way. The thick foliage with tall grass on both sides of the road which  lit up whenever I turned my vehicle on curves added to the dramatic surroundings. The road appeared to be never ending. It had so many twists and turns and also at times went through small hillocks. After an hour or so of driving alone without a mobile network, I was told that one needs to just ask somebody about Kikar lodge and it was supposedly an important landmark.

So the petrol pump attendant gave directions….After 5 kms take left. What he did not tell me was there were at least three left turns and no soul at sight. I just trusted my gut feeling and took a turn. The street started becoming narrow by the meter and I found myself in the middle of a village looking inside houses. Still no soul at sight. It looked like a scene from a thriller when I saw a man walking his huge dog at a location like this. I took my chances and asked for directions. As luck would have it, I had taken a wrong turn and it was the turn BEFORE the next village. I was back on the main road and on my way.

What made this moonlit road journey through the woods more memorable was the anticipation of meeting old friends for a day. So usually when after long journey one feels tired, I found myself bubbling with energy when I finally reached. I was in high spirits and the beer had not even started.

The party went on for some time and some guys kept taking mini naps around in the same rooms we were chatting and others continued to share old memories/new aspirations late in the night. Almost like a dream, a day passed and it was time to bid adieu to everyone.

So although travel through a narrow road and driving through a rural village in a moonlit night in interiors of Distt Ropar was the last time I did something for the first time, I pen this down primarily because of the time spent in the lodge around guys with whom I could just be me. There being no hint of any acquired personalities and everyone being themselves and sharing nearly all the things about your life, past and present. And with no one judging anyone. That was maybe a thing which I had not done for a very long time. This is surely something that needs to be done again and again.

But definitely not the drive again to Kikar because I once again would have the need to do something for the first time.